Mrs H

Inspiration for Christmas

2010-11-05T15:59:00.003Z

It is that time of year when I start to think about how to decorate our home this Christmas. This year I am faced with the new challenge that the layout of our home has changed and our usual spot for our Christmas tree has gone. So its out with the old and in with the new...

Whilst day dreaming about where to put our tree this year I checked my facebook account and I had received an update from Decorative Country Living www.decorativecountryliving.com and became greatly inspired by their new Christmas products, I particularly liked their candle holders and Christmas wreaths, why not check out their selection of wonderous things www.decorativecountryliving.com/christmas/christmas_2010.html

So after browsing through these lovely items its back to daydreaming.

I am back

2010-11-04T14:37:00.002Z

Hi Everyone

Well it has been a while since I blogged last and a great deal has happened since 2008 (yes I am older I hear you cry), but much more has happened and today I have felt the urge to start to blog again.

This first blog will be short as but I wanted to begin whilst I was in the mood.

More blogs will follow very very soon.
Mrs H

You can't just have one.....

2008-01-12T22:35:00.000Z

Like most people I find Christmas and the New Year a great opportunity to catch up with family and friends. This is something I usually love, but this time to swap stories etc is currently tainted by one thing which drives me mad.

Since having my daughter nearly three years ago, every time I see an Aunty, friends of the family or indeed some friends of mine, they insist on asking me (like its a ritual of theirs) "Are you having another? Any news you want to share? Any baby plans for 2008?"

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

First of all I think this is a very personal question which you should just not walk up to someone and ask. What if someone had a medical condition they did not want to discuss which meant they could not have children. How would these questions make them feel? They may want more children but it may be medically impossible.

I am also a great believer that if my hubby and I chose to have another child, I would not discuss our plans with the world and his mother, I would wait until an appropriate time when I was pregnant and then tell them.

When they asked the question this year, I promptly replied "I am busy doing my course" to try and divert their attention, but oh no they go straight back for more. "Oh you cannot just have one, they will be lonely, you will regret it".

By they way I have not said to them that we will only stay at one, they just assume this is what we are doing. Never assume!

If they don't feel they are getting enough information to sattisfy their curiosity then they proceed to ask my parents. This drives me even crazier.

To be honest, we have really enjoyed watching our little one grow over the past two and a bit years and feel having one at this stage has meant we can devote more time to her. We then had Johns death which to be quite honest, took away any bit of faith I had in the NHS and has made me nervous about ever going into hospital, so you may see why we hesitate in making a final decision. Especially when I had an emergency c-section last time.

Would it be so bad if our little one was an only child? Would we be selfish and bad parents? Would she be lonely and resent us for it?

I cannot answer these questions and only our little one could in time, if we chose this path.

I just wish people would stop and think before asking these very personal questions. We have had a tough time and what would be a simple decision for most couples to make, is not a simple one for us. So please stop asking and let us enjoy being the best parents we can be.

Deck the halls with bows of holly.....

2007-12-02T21:12:00.000Z

I know some people prefer not to decorate their home for Christmas until closer to the big day and I fully understand why people hold this view, however I have always loved decorating the house and getting all festive. So as soon as I turned the calendar from November to December, it was time to get trimming.

We set aside the afternoon yesterday, put on a Christmas music CD and spent I can honestly say a lovely afternoon trimming up the house. My daughter for the first time helped mummy to decorate the tree and what a natural she was, putting the bigger baubles on the bottom whilst mummy did the smaller ones at the top. She was so excited when we turned on the lights and kept saying Merry Christmas.

Once the house was looking festive, I prepared beef in red wine with vegetables for everyone (well not the red wine for my 2 1/2 year old).

I know some of you may think I am slightly mad wanting the house decorated on December 1st, but I think when you have had such bad times in your life you want to grab the good times with both hands and really enjoy them and believe me that's what I intend to do this year.

My time of year

2007-11-14T16:56:00.000Z

Some people love the summer with its long warm days, but not me this is my time of year. You probably think I am mad as we have long dark nights and lets be honest it is freezing, but there is something magical about this season and all it has to offer.

I love the seasonal events such as Halloween, Bonfire Night and of course everything that Christmas brings. I love winter clothes and wrapping up warm on a Sunday afternoon stroll, before coming home to a hot chocolate in front of the fire.

But most of all I love preparing the house for Christmas ready to welcome friends and family, cooking the Christmas treats, choosing presents for my loved ones and watching my little one as she becomes excited about Christmas lights, decorations and the visit from the man in the red coat.

If you come over to my house in the weeks that lie ahead, you will probably find me with my pinny on covered in flour or some other ingredients or glitter on my face as my daughter and I make Christmas cards, but do you know I would not have it any other way.

It's just magical.

Christmas present challenge

2007-11-09T11:18:00.000Z

I love the challenge of thinking of what to buy my loved ones each year. I started my Christmas shopping a couple of weeks ago and have already purchased presents for all the little people in my life.

It's now time to get creative and think of some great gifts for the grown ups.

I thought I would share with you two great sites I have come across this week which have brilliant gift ideas:

http://www.bahhumbugs.com/

I love their sweet hampers, great if you are looking for something a bit retro.

http://www.stgeorgesday.com/shop/gifts

A great site for those who love all things English, check out the wine section.

If anyone has any other gift ideas or websites to share please feel free to post them.

New Beginings

2007-10-23T20:13:00.000Z

It has been a few months since I blogged and during that time I feel as though emotionally I have moved forwards quite a lot. I am not saying that I am getting over the fact that John has gone, (I don't think I ever will) but I am beginning to learn how to live in a world without him in it.

Of course I still miss him and I will do until I take my last breath, but I have felt a shift in how I look at the world and life in general. There are still days when I feel really sad and upset and have a good old cry, but there are also days mixed in with these where I feel happy and am excited about new adventures that lie ahead. I have now accepted that I don't have to feel guilty for having good days.

I recently celebrated my 30th birthday, my other half has just landed himself a new job, my little one has started pre-school for a couple of mornings a week, my other brother is busy planning his wedding and I am about to leap into the world of reflexology and start a practitioners course.

It certainly has been an eventful few months and I feel I have carried John along with me with all the exciting things. I know he would be excited about my course and would be telling me to go for it and I can imagine what he would be saying to my husband about his new job.

I guess, even though he is not physically here, he is here all the time in everything I do and I want to take him with me as I enter this new phase in my life.

So if you see me around, please don't think that just because I am laughing or smiling that I have forgotten him, that will never happen, he is with me every day in my heart and I feel proud that he is there to inspire me in my new goals.

Update

2007-07-12T10:27:00.000Z

I am so pleased to be able to tell you that Grandma has had her operation and is doing really well. I went to see her last night and she is making amazing progress.

It was lovely to sit and chat with her and see her looking so much better.

Sometimes the NHS does it get it right.

Progress for Grandma

2007-07-05T11:59:00.000Z

After six weeks in and out of hospital, the doctors who have been treating Grandma have made a decision.

She will be having an operation on Monday morning. We are surprised at how quickly this decision has been made, but Grandma has told them to do it, she does not want to continue suffering how she is and wants to try anything to make her better.

She is a true fighter with sheer determination. I just want it over with and to know she is ok.

Poor Gran

2007-06-30T20:19:00.000Z

As you will know from reading my blog my grandma has been unwell for the past 5 and a half weeks now. She has been moved around numerous wards, moved to a different hospital, back to the original hospital and then discharged on Thursday evening to home.

I knew then she was not well enough to be sent home but the hospital insisted she was and after two days of not feeling great, she has ended up returning to the hospital she left on Thursday.

The constant moving her around from pillar to post has been really upsetting for her and has added to her anxiety.

I have just returned home from the hospital and she is now as comfortable as she can be.

It is so upsetting to see people you care about unwell and I hope that they will keep her there for as long as she needs the care she deserves and not send her home again prematurely, which would probably repeat this whole cycle once again.

Thinking of you

2007-06-21T21:04:00.000Z

I just wanted to say I am thinking about John on his birthday.

I miss you bro x

I am back

2007-06-20T09:27:00.000Z

Sorry for not blogging for such a long time, I guess life events just take over sometimes.

I was thinking about the past few months over breakfast this morning and it sure has been busy.

After John's inquest and my daughters birthday, I then had my operation, we potty trained our daughter, my grandma was taken into hospital one month ago and is still there now and our daughter has gone from drinking from a beaker to a cup. It's amazing how much can happen in such a short time.

To be honest we have spent as much time as we can with Grandma at the hospital as she was very poorly indeed, but she is now on the mend and hopefully with time and rest she will be home in a few weeks.

Before I sign off I must say a CONGRATULATIONS to our dear friends Natalie and Simon, who got engaged in Paris last week, we are so happy for you.

It's been a while

2007-05-26T18:49:00.000Z

I thought I had better blog this evening, as it has been a while. The thing is since I have been recovering from my operation and I have felt better as each day passes, I just want to get out there doing all the things I could not do when I was in severe pain. When you have been unwell or just not able to do the normal every day things, it certainly makes you appreciate life when you can do them.

My Grandma was taken into hospital on Wednesday, so I have been visiting her since Thursday to keep her company and cheer her up. It certainly brightened her day yesterday when my daughter gave her a get well card that she had made.

So all in all, I have not been at home a great deal and have simply not been around the PC to blog to the world.

I promise to blog again very soon.

The Dolly Mixtures

2007-05-12T16:13:00.000Z

Last night I had an evening out with my mum and grandma, something I don't believe I have ever done. We went to a show put on by The Dolly Mixtures, a local group of women.

The show was held at my old High School, Ibstock Community College, I was excited about going back to see what it was like now. To my surprise in fifteen years it had not changed that much, there were a few new buildings for maths and science, but the feel of the school remained the same. I took advantage of the interval in the show to have a walk around the school and peer through the classroom doors, it was great to remember the happy times, the friends I had and the teachers who taught us, some of who are still there. I even bumped into the caretaker who was also there during my time at the school, we had a good chat about the school and he filled me in on the changes since my departure.

Anyway, back to the show. It was an evening of song, dancing and comedy sketches and I must say I was impressed by the standard of the performance. It was a lovely evening out and great to spend some time with my mum and grandma.

At the end of the show, they announced that over £700 had been raised from the evening to go towards the BBC Radio Leicester Ruby Rainbow Appeal, which is just wonderful.

Feeling so much better

2007-05-10T20:25:00.000Z

After spending over a week in so much pain and discomfort I can happily report that I am feeling so much better today. I have been able to sit in comfort on the settee and actually pick up the milk from the fridge without my other half having to put it on the top shelf for me.

When you start to feel well again after an illness or operation it certainly makes you appreciate the days that you feel great.

I think my little girl is so happy to have her mummy back running around playing and having fun and believe me so am I.

Well done dad

2007-05-07T13:02:00.000Z

Yesterday my dad took part in the Alan Birchenall's 27th charity run held at the Walkers Stadium, to raise money for the Ruby Rainbow Appeal. The run involved doing laps around the pitch before the final match of the season against Wolves.

As you will know from reading my blog my parents have done a tremendous amount of work to raise money for this cause in memory of my brother John and I am so proud of dad for taking part in this event.

Dad is pictured above (white hair) next to the actor David Neilson who plays Roy Cropper in Coronation Street.

Well done dad, what a star.

Feeling blue

2007-05-04T19:11:00.000Z

It has been a few days since my operation now and I am feeling quite down in the dumps. I am in so much more pain than I imagined I would be and am struggling to do simple things like sit on a chair and help my daughter get dressed.

It has meant my husband has had to time off work to help me, I feel such a hindrance. I have always been independent and find it hard sitting around whilst my husband does everything for me. I cannot wait to start feeling like my normal self again.

My little girl keeps giving me lots of cuddles and says "Mummy poorly".

Let's hope I feel better soon, so that I can start getting back to being a domestic goddess once again.

No place like home

2007-05-01T19:07:00.000Z

I have been home for about an hour now following my operation which took place early this afternoon and I feel so pleased to be home.

The Surgeon told me my procedure went well and everyone seemed very pleased with how it had gone. On the whole I am very pleased with my experience in hospital today, well apart from the part in theatre where my local anaesthetic wore off and I felt him doing the stitches. I think people the other side of the city heard my screams!

Apart from that, I feel very happy with how things went, everyone I came into contact with was very helpful and friendly, which certainly puts your mind at ease when you are feeling nervous. My husband stayed with me in hospital and I was so grateful to have him with me, so thanks baby.

I am feeling very, very sore now and I think I will feel this way for at least a week, but I am so pleased to be home with my daughter tucked up safe in bed, my husband watching the football and me enjoying our home comforts.

Thank you to Wendy who left a beautiful bouquet of flowers and card for me, it really cheered me up. Thanks to mum and dad for looking after our daughter for the day - I think mum is looking forward to going back to work tomorrow for a rest! And finally, thank you to my hubby for being so wonderful today, for supporting me and being a rock as he always is and for driving slowly over the speed bumps to prevent further pain. You are a star and I thank you for being you.

Keeping busy

2007-04-30T17:09:00.000Z

As I wait in anticipation for my operation tomorrow I have spent the entire day trying to keep busy to take my mind off it.

My daughter and I have had a full day, playing in the garden, cleaning the house, doing the food shop, visiting grandma and grandad to name but a few of things we have done today.

I am feeling nervous and just wish I could close my eyes and it all be over. I have to be at the hospital for 11am tomorrow but do not know what time my operation will take place, so I think it could be another waiting game. I am so pleased my husband is coming with me, he will be able to keep my mind busy and prevent me from becoming too bored. My daughter is going to spend the day with her grandma. I do hate leaving her, I know she will be fine and have a lovely time playing but I just miss her so much when we are not together.

Well, I had better go and pack my things ready for the big day.

I will let you know how I get on.

Happy days

2007-04-29T18:53:00.000Z

We took a trip up the M1 yesterday to see our dear friends in Barnsley. After a spot of lunch together my husband and John went to see Leicester v Barnsley, whilst the girls stayed at home to have a proper catch up. It was lovely to watch Amy and my daughter playing together and learning the skill of sharing toys.

After a wonderful afternoon the boys came home and I was delighted to hear Leicester had won and that both of our teams were safe from relegation, phew!

I always feel sad when I leave Barnsley and our friends, we always have such a lovely time and there is something so magical about the place and the people. People always seem so happy and pleased to see you, they do seem more sociable than people in Leicestershire.

Thanks to Em, John and Amy for a lovely day.

A waiting game

2007-04-26T16:32:00.000Z

Today is my husband's birthday and it did not begin how we had planned. I had to go to hospital for my pre-assessment appointment for my operation. My appointment was at 9.30am so I left the house at 8.20am as I knew the traffic would be dreadful and I would need time to park the car and find the ward I needed. After battling through the traffic I got to my appointment on time.

I was swiftly taken in to see the nurse which really impressed me. Unfortunately I cannot say the same about the rest of the morning. After a brief chat with the nurse, I was left waiting for nearly two hours whilst they tried to find out if the surgeon needed to see me or not. After reading several old magazines, the nurse came to me and said he could not see me as he was in theatre. What a waste of two hours. But at least I could go home now and start celebrating my husbands birthday. But oh no, I was then told to go downstairs and have some blood tests, why did they not do those during the time I sat waiting for two hours. Grrr.

More waiting then followed as I had to take a ticket and wait until my number was called out to have my blood test. This took another half an hour and the nurses who did the test, barely spoke and just continued the conversation they were having between themselves. How very rude!

So what should have been a straightforward appointment taking about half an hour, ended up being a whole mornings work. I find it so frustrating that they keep people waiting for so long and they appear not to care.

I hope they provide better care when I actually go in for my operation next week. To be honest, I am feeling more nervous now than I was before.

I am pleased to say though that once I got home, I have spent a lovely afternoon out with my husband and daughter, I just feel awful that we lost the entire morning of his birthday to people keeping me waiting. I will have to make it up to him later!

I have a date

2007-04-24T19:31:00.000Z

I had a surprising phone call yesterday from our hospital to arrange a date for an operation I have been waiting to have. I was pleased to hear from the lady so that I could finally get a date in my diary. However, I was not expecting her to tell me that my operation would be next week!

I agreed to the date and when I put the phone down it hit me how quickly it would be happening.

I have also got to attend a pre-op appointment for tests on Thursday which is not the best day it could have happened on as its my husbands birthday and we were planning to go out for the day. So after making a few phone calls to family and friends who are going to help with looking after my daughter whilst I am in hospital, we suddenly seemed organised and all I have to do now is wait for the big day.

It is only a minor operation and I should be out the same day if all goes to plan, but I really hate the thought of being in hospital. It terrifies me when you hear stories about Super bugs and things that go wrong with people in hospital and believe me I could tell you some shocking stories.

I will be so relieved when I see my husband after the operation and I can go home.

Happy St. George's Day

2007-04-23T10:52:00.000Z

Today is one of those dates on the calendar that always remind me of my brother John. He was passionate about England and always moaned that St. George's Day was not a national holiday.

Mum and dad were also thinking along the same lines as me today and had purchased some red and white flowers to take to John's grave.

It always amazes me how certain events in life can trigger so many memories about John, some when you least expect it.

I am off now to make a traditional English meal of roast beef and Yorkshire pud!

HAPPY ST. GEORGE'S DAY.

Here comes summer

2007-04-15T21:00:00.000Z

It has been wonderful this weekend having such glorious weather and being able to get into the garden. I have just planted some bedding plants into the boarders, the sunflower and tomato seeds are growing at an incredible rate and the whole garden is suddenly coming to life.

I love to go out into the garden early evening and look at how things are changing and growing, I find it so relaxing and peaceful being outside in our garden, it is our piece of tranquility.

Funny old day

2007-04-10T19:14:00.000Z

After all the events of the past week, things have suddenly calmed down and life seems very quiet now. We have all been focused on John's anniversary, the inquest and Daisy's party and they have now all gone.

It's now time for us as a family to look ahead to the future and start to live life as John would have wanted us to do. He loved every day and I know he would want us to do the same.

It has been a reflective day and I feel the start of new beginnings, new challenges and dreams are on the horizon. I don't know what they will be yet, but I owe it to John and to myself to start living life again.

Perfect party

2007-04-08T13:48:00.000Z

After the upsetting times the entire family have gone through during the past year, it was so wonderful to have a happy day and day devoted entirely to our daughter. She has been a light in all our lives during some awful times and has given us so much hope and peace.

As she did not have any birthday celebrations last year and her birthday on Tuesday was taken up by John's inquest, we wanted to make Saturday as perfect for her as we could.

We could not believe it when we woke and there was glorious sunshine, so this lead us to change the party from being indoors to outside in the garden. My husband pumped up the bouncy castle and we got the patio furniture out for the first time this year. Outside was decorated with a banner and pink balloons.

When my daughter's guests arrived, it was lovely watching them playing on the bouncy castle and running around the lawn. They loved pass the parcel and eating their prizes. The adults relaxed in the sunshine and I can honestly say we all had a wonderful time.

Thanks to everyone who came and making the day just perfect for our little girl. Thank you.

Time for reflection

2007-04-05T20:40:00.000Z

After what has been the most emotional and eventful week of our lives, it is now time to digest everything that has happened and take time out to reflect. My husband is off work until next week, as we wanted to have some time together after the inquest to reflect and just be together. It is so lovely having him around.

Yesterday was a very strange day as we mulled over everything that had happened during the inquest. We must have spent the whole day talking about it on and off, as we remembered things that had been said.

I felt physically exhausted, almost like I had been in a fight, my whole body ached. I guess my body was simply reacting to the stress and emotion it had felt during the past few days.

To be honest, I really did not know what to do with myself yesterday. We had waited a whole year for the inquest, it's all we have talked about. But now it is gone, we have our verdict and the chapter is now closed.

I guess it is now time to try and move forwards, to try and build a new future for us all. As my husband said today is the first day of the rest of our lives. I know John will not physically be in it, but he will always live on in all of our hearts as we move forward on the journey of life. John would not want us to be sad any more, he would be so angry if he thought we were not living life to the full. He lived every day to the max and I know he would want us to do the same.

So here is to new beginnings, the future and happier times.

A day of two halves

2007-04-04T10:39:00.000Z

Tuesday was always going to be a difficult and emotional day. The day of my brother's inquest and my daughter's second birthday.

As the inquest was in the morning we decided to open cards and presents with our daughter in the afternoon when we could focus all the time to her, instead of doing it quickly in between getting ready to go to the inquest.

My friend Eliza had offered to look after her for us whilst we went and I cannot thank her enough for this, I know she had a great time playing with Elliott.

The inquest was one of the most difficult two hours I have ever had to live through. Hearing details of my brother's final hours and what the doctor did and did not do. I was horrified by some of the responses he gave when questioned. I did cry on and off through the entire two hours, as most of the people around me also did. It was just a rollercoaster of emotions.

When the coroner gave his verdict, I could have screamed with sheer delight, it was one we hoped for, but as they don't use it very often we knew the chances of receiving it were slim. He gave a Narrative Verdict, which we were all so happy with.

I was so proud of everyone who attended, John's friends and family, everyone acted with great dignity and respect for John. The Coroner was very touched by the number of people who attended for John.

My mum and dad were so strong through the whole morning, how they managed to sit there with such composure I will never know.

Once we had digested the morning's events we picked up our daughter and prepared a birthday tea for her to share with the family.

By the time she went to bed, we were all so tired, drained and emotional. It is a day I never imagined I would get through, but somehow we did and we are OK and feeling so pleased with the coroner's decision.

It does feel now that this is the start of some justice for John.

Anniversary

2007-04-02T20:13:00.000Z

Today is exactly one year since my brother John died. It has been a very hard day for us all and has re-opened all of the pain and anguish we felt when we were told he was dead.

In some ways it has been the longest year of our lives, full of hurt, upset and frustration with all of us just trying to come to terms with what happened. In other ways I cannot believe that it is a year since we all stood in the relatives room at the hospital being told the words we never imagined we would hear, John is gone.

The pain we have felt today, I know will continue tomorrow as we attend the inquest into his death. I am so nervous about reliving every detail of his final hours, but I accept it is something we just have to do. The pain of the inquest will also run alongside the celebrations of our daughter's second birthday. It certainly will be a day of mixed emotions.

The day has been spent with the family, we visited the Church together and have been so touched by the amount of floral tributes left on John's grave, it's just amazing and makes me realise how popular John was and still is, and how much he is missed by all who knew him. I was particular touched by his work colleagues who had an England flag made in flowers, it was just beautiful.

The family have just left our house and it seems so quiet now, I think it will be a very long night as we wait in anticipation of the day ahead.

Thank you to all our friends and family who have supported us so much today, for the cards we have received, the texts, phone calls and e-mails and the flowers laid for John, it means so much to us all that we are in people's thoughts.

A Walk for John

2007-04-01T18:03:00.000Z

What an amazing day full of emotion and pride.

Today was "A Walk for John" a sponsored walk in memory of my brother to raise money for the BBC Radio Leicester Ruby Rainbow Appeal.

The day started early at 6am to help with the final preparations, not a time we usually see on Sunday morning.

By 8.30am a great crowd had gathered (I say around 100 people) ready to face the 10 mile hike before them.

It was wonderful to see so many family, friends, Johns friends and work colleagues to walk in his memory and raise money for such a good cause.

Everyone did so well and did John so proud.

I would like to say a big thank you to:

Wendy, Simon, Sarah and the other ladies from Connexions Leicester Shire, Heidi and Shaun for walking today and supporting us.

Also to Eliza and Shaun, Emma and John for the generous donations.

Thank you to everyone who I have not named for your kindness, support and walking for John, it was a great way to celebrate his life. THANK YOU.

Another milestone

2007-03-28T16:52:00.000Z

I have just returned from the Church as my brother John's headstone was fitted this afternoon. It is a day have been dreading for some time.

When I arrived at the Church I felt sick, it was like reliving parts of the funeral all over again. We slowly walked to his grave and I just burst into tears when I saw his name, it's not something you ever imagine you will read.

I then read the poem on the stone which my mum wrote for him, I do not know where or how she found the strength to do this, but it was just beautiful.

As we all sat on the bench next to his grave, part of me began to feel pleased that his place was now marked properly with a stone that truly suits him and everything he was. I know my parents will find peace that his stone is now in place and there ready for the first anniversary of his death on Monday.

One year has passed

2007-03-27T15:48:00.000Z

Yesterday was exactly one year since I saw my brother John. In some ways it has been the longest year of my life as we have struggled to come to terms with his death and all the emotions and pain that grief throws at you. In other ways it does not seem two minutes since we were all together laughing and joking, I can even remember small details such as what John was wearing and things he said. I can still see him now standing in the doorway of his home with my other brother and his girlfriend as they waved us off after a lovely afternoon together.

If you'd of told me then that was the last time I would see him, my god I would have said so much more to him. Perhaps there's a lesson there, perhaps we should seize the day and tell the people who are special to us just how much we care about them. I know if I had just one more chance to talk to him I would have told him I love him and what he means to me.

John was a huge part of my life, all our lives and we miss him deeply.

In the Night Garden....

2007-03-24T19:58:00.000Z

As we settled down to watch Cbeebies last night during the bedtime hour, I was intrigued to watch the new programme In the Night Garden....

My daughter loved it especially as one of the characters shares the same name (don't worry it's not Makka Pakka).

The characters are unique, colourful and fun I especially love the Tombliboos.

If you have not seen it, take a look I think you will like it.

If anyone knows anywhere I could buy toys from the programme please let me know, I know my daughter would love one.

Playing nurse

2007-03-21T21:43:00.000Z

Since 11.45pm on Sunday evening I have been playing nurse to my little girl. We put her to bed as usual on Sunday evening and she seemed fine and just as I was dropping off to sleep I heard a noise, my husband and I ran into her room and she had been sick all in her bed. She was so upset.

We cleaned her down and sat her on our bed to comfort her. She was sick again all over our bed this time. After several changes of clothes and lots of cuddles she settled down again.

All day Monday she was sick and developed an awful cough.

On Tuesday the cough got worse and her temperature was raised. She was very sleepy and confused, so I took her to the doctor. He examined her and told me she had an upper tract infection, her ear drums were inflamed and bulging and that would be causing the other problems. So now she has some "yellow medicine" as she describes it and she has improved slightly, but the medicine has now given her diarrhoea.

Poor little girl, she is so tired and weak, it's awful seeing her like this. I cannot wait until she is running around making lots of noise. Hope you feel better soon x

Mother but no baby

2007-03-15T20:00:00.000Z

Warning, this blog may contain a lot of moaning.

I went to the supermarket today as usual with my daughter, to once again find there were no mother and baby parking spaces. I would not mind this if the spaces were genuinely taken up by fellow parents with their little ones. But oh no, week after week, the spaces are filled by beloved old age pensioners and people with disabled badges. Just because they are old they feel they have the right to park wherever they like and the same goes to disabled badge holders, who may I add have their own parking spaces much nearer to the door.

It's not that I am lazy and want to be closer to the door, I just really appreciate the spaces as they are wider which is vital when you are trying to get a child in and out of a car seat.

I have often thought about challenging these selfish people who choose to take our spaces, but I know it would be wasted energy as they think its their god given right to be closer to the door just because they are older than me.

Has anyone else experienced this annoying situation or is it just me? I would love to hear.

Eyes down

2007-03-13T13:27:00.000Z

Last night I did something I have not done for many many years, I played bingo. Now it's not my usual night out (honest) but there was a reason for having my dobber pens to the ready.

As readers of my blog will know, my brother died suddenly last year and my family have wanted to do something in his memory, whilst raising money for a good cause. It was agreed that we would organise a sponsored walk called "A Walk for John" which takes place in April and all the monies raised will be donated to the BBC Radio Leicester Ruby Rainbow Appeal. Once we shared our decision with the wider family, my aunties offered to organise a prize bingo evening to raise more money for the appeal.

So off I set ready for a night of "two fat ladies" and "two little ducks". When I arrived I was surprised by the huge crowd that had gathered to take part, there must have been at least 150 people.

Charles Dagnall from BBC Radio Leicester had kindly agreed to be the guest bingo caller for the evening and I am so pleased he did. I think the world of bingo was as alien to him as it is to me, but my goodness he did make it good fun. I have not laughed so much in ages. One of the most amusing parts of the evening was when he would call number 69, to which members of the crowd shouted out "yum, yum". He looked as surprised as me, but you could not help but laugh.

It was a fun night which raised a great deal of money for the appeal.

So thank you to Charles Dagnall for turning the event into a fun one, to my aunties for organising the evening and all the people who donated the prizes.

It just goes to show what can be done when people pull together. I just hope the walk is as big success and we can raise lots of money for the BBC Radio Leicester Ruby Rainbow appeal whilst paying tribute to John.

I hate being ill

2007-03-10T19:09:00.000Z

There is one thing I hate more than having a cold and that's having a sickness bug. It all started at 5.30am on Wednesday morning and to be honest I have only just stopped being sick now.

Before the days of being a parent this would not have caused too many problems as I could have just stayed in bed all day and not had to worry about anyone or anything. But my how times change.

It is quite a task trying to look after a lively toddler between rushing to the bathroom and feeling like you are dying! Just preparing her meals was a massive task, I had to hold my breath as I cooked the food - not an easy thing to do I can assure you.

I counted the hours until my other half returned from work so I could kindly pass her over to him and slump on the sofa in a heap.

I do feel 100 times better than I did and I am hoping the worst is over. Fingers crossed hey.

Old photographs

2007-03-06T20:12:00.000Z

Since my brother John died in April last year, I found it too difficult and upsetting to look at old photographs. It's a strange feeling as I knew I had them, and I knew John was on lots of them, but I almost could not bear to see the times that we'd had, I guess because it reminded me that those time can be no more.

However, during the weekend I found some strength from somewhere and began to look through some of my old albums. I will be honest with you all, as I sat on our bedroom floor surrounded my albums I cried so much when I saw photographs of John, my brother, my handsome, intelligent and wonderful brother. As I stared at his face, his smile, his eyes I could not believe that he has gone. How can someone so young and full of life just go.

Eventually I was able to look at them without crying and came across a great photograph of John, my husband and I from Christmas day four years ago. We all look so happy, we always were when we were together we just enjoyed each others company.

I tidied away the albums and brought the photograph downstairs to show my husband. He loved it and we popped to the shops and brought a frame for it. As we put it into the frame we sat with our little girl down and showed her the photograph and talked about John. She does say his name when she points to it, and I hope she remembers him as he adored her but I am really not sure that she does, he died the day before her first birthday, would it be possible that she can remember him.

As I sit typing this blog, the photo stands with pride on the mantle piece for all to see. It does catch my eye frequently throughout the day and I find myself just looking at it, thinking of John and feeling so sad that he has gone. However, I am starting to also feel a sense of pride that he was my brother and we did have some wonderful times together and I never want to forget the love we shared.

A new life

2007-03-04T19:05:00.000Z

Today we went to see my friend's baby for the first time. My daughter was very excited and for the entire car journey kept repeating his name and told us he would be drinking milk.

When we arrived their eldest son Elliott (who is the same age as our daughter) was waiting for us in the hallway and shouted 'hell'o when his daddy opened the door.

I could not wait to get inside the house to meet Oscar and see how Eliza was after the birth.

Once inside there he was, all dressed in blue with the loveliest skin and blue eyes and my daughter was right, he was drinking his milk.

Not long into the visit Shaun asked me if I would like to hold Oscar, I jumped at it, well it's not every day you get to hold a lovely baby. He felt so light and looked so small, I could not take my eyes off him. How wonderful the creation of new life is.

It reminded me of when my daughter was born and the times I used to nurse her in my arms. It is hard to believe that in just two years she has gone from a small baby to a very independent toddler who only wants to cuddle now when she is upset or tired. How times change.

We had a lovely morning and it was so wonderful to see our friends so happy.

Congratulations Eliza and Shaun.

Party

2007-03-01T15:03:00.001Z

Today my daughter went to her first party of the year.

Armed with a beautifully wrapped present, card, my little one all dressed up like a princess and directions in my hand of how to actually get to the venue, off we set. After about ten minutes in the car my daughter fell asleep and was snoring loudly, so I enjoyed some piece and quiet whilst listening to the radio.

I found the venue straight away but arrived a little early so I sat in the car whilst my daughter finished her nap. Luckily she woke up just in time for the start of the party. She insisted on carrying the present, which was nearly as big as her and she became very excited as we entered the Church Rooms. The room was decorated with balloons and banners and a large bouncy castle filled the top end of the hall. There were lots of people there and my daughter was not phased by this and headed straight for the bouncy castle.

The party was only two hours long, but my goodness I was shattered by the end of it. It was great fun watching her with the other children and enjoying herself so much, I even enjoyed having a bounce on the castle with her (I had forgotten what good fun they could be).

On the way out, she was handed a party bag filled with goodies which she was so pleased with. All the way home she talked of the bouncy castle and she could not wait to tell her daddy when he walked through the door.

So one party down and another two to go in March, what a party animal she is.

A great read

2007-02-27T21:43:00.000Z

During the time we were offline (when the laptop was not working), my friend Eliza lent me "My Take, Gary Barlow".

For those that know me well I loved Take That the first time round and was overjoyed when Take That 2 emerged. Gary was always my favourite member and I was really keen to read his book when Eliza lent it to me.

Believe me I could not put it down, I would grab every opportunity I had to read it.

Gary shows his love for music and the highs and lows of the music industry. He shares his journey from his childhood in Cheshire to life during and after Take That. It is a really honest book, sharing the truth about his relationship with Robbie and his controlling manager Nigel. I also love the personal details he shares about the relationship with his parents, his wife Dawn and the other members of the band, his caring nature really comes to the forefront.

The most shocking part of the book for me was when he was caught up in the July 7th 2005 terrorist attacks (I did shed a tear).

Even if you are not a Take That fan or even a Gary Barlow fan, I would highly recommend this honest book, it's well worth a read.

Thanks to Eliza for lending it to me.

I'm back

2007-02-25T15:43:00.000Z

Finally, after a couple of weeks of being cut off from the virtual world of the Internet, our laptop has now been fixed and I am back in touch with the rest of the world.

When the laptop first stopped working, I was lost. I could not email my friends, do online shopping, do our online banking and of course write my blog. I felt so frustrated, especially in the evenings when I like to surf (especially when there is nothing on TV) and catch up with the messages and tips on netmums.

However, after a few days I started to think what did we all do before we had the Internet and e-mail? So instead of e-mailing friends I would actually pick up the phone and talk and do you know it was so much nicer. Instead of surfing the web in the evenings I began to read, something I have not done for quite some time. I also found I had so much more time to do things about the house.

The web has become such a big part of everyone's lifestyles that you do forget how you lived your life before it was invented.

Now the laptop is working and we are back online, of course I am pleased as I can keep in touch with my friends easier, but I have found myself not spending quite as much time on it and continuing the activities I had taken up when I did not have it.

It has ended up not being a bad thing that we went without it for a couple of weeks as it has made me rediscover other things I love.

Out of action

2007-02-16T08:40:00.000Z

Just to let you all know in case you have been wondering as to the cause of my recent inaction on the blogging front - I have been having difficulty accessing the web due to my PC having major problems.

I am currently trying to find a solution for this and hope to be back to it ASAP.

Is bigger best?

2007-02-06T12:14:00.000Z

Having been into town today to visit my local butcher it got me thinking about using local shops versus the big supermarkets.

I have brought all of our meat at our local butchers for nearly two years and I have never been disappointed by the excellent quality. Many people hold the misconception that the meat is more expensive at a butchers, but believe me it isn't, it's either around the same or on many occasions cheaper.

I also really like the fact that the trip to the butchers each week is more personal than the service you receive at a supermarket. It's great to be able to talk to people who have a genuine interest in you and the local area. They take the time out to ask how you are, something which does not happen when you finally reach the till at one of the big stores.

In an attempt to help the local economy and the environment, we also use a milkman and get a number of products from him including eggs, potatoes, bread and fruit juice. I know for a fact the potatoes are from a farm about one mile away and the eggs come from a farm in Leicestershire.

My next mission is to buy our fruit and vegetables from the local greengrocers, I will try this next week when I go into town.

I know that it takes more time to go into several smaller shops rather than one big supermarket where everything is under one roof but the experience is so much nicer and you get the satisfaction of supporting your local economy and environment too.

Do you shop at the supermarket or local smaller shops? I would love to hear your experiences.

Friends and food

2007-02-05T20:50:00.000Z

The weekend was one of those occasions when you look back and smile with pleasure as you remember happy times. One of those weekends where you take time out to do the things that weekends were made for.

It was wonderful catching up with old friends, sharing our latest news and simply enjoying each other's company.

Our friends were fab hosts and cooked some delicious meals for us. I am looking forward to receiving the recipes from Beth, in particular the ginger cake she made was just fantastic. Natalie's sweet potato soup was divine, really tasty and again I must get the recipe as it is something I would love to cook at home.

Natalie also shared her latest cookery book with me, there is nothing nicer than having a glass of wine whilst flicking through colourful pages of tempting new recipes.

Friends, food and fun... just brilliant.

Run raddit, run raddit, run, run, run......

2007-02-04T20:37:00.000Z

After returning home from visiting our dear friends Simon and Natalie I am just reflecting on our time together.

One of the most amusing scenes of the weekend has been my little girl chasing their pet rabbit Biscuit around the house. She was so excited, running around their home, arms held out trying to catch Biscuit and pick him up. Fortunately for Biscuit he was somewhat quicker than my daughter and managed to escape.

As we were leaving my daughter was so upset that she was leaving her new playmate behind so quick thinking Natalie gave her a photograph of Biscuit to take home. When we left, Biscuit gave a huge sigh of relief as he no longer had to run about the house trying to escape and my little girl was very happy with her photograph of her favourite "raddit".

Thanks to Si and Nat for making her one very happy little girl.

New Shoes

2007-01-31T20:52:00.000Z

When I was pregnant with my daughter everyone kept telling me how expensive children are and that we would never have any money. To be honest since she was born apart from the expense of a cot bed, car seat and high chair she really has not been expensive at all.

Mind you I think this could be about to change.

We took her to have her feet measured today and she had grown a whole size from a 3 1/2 to a 4 1/2. We picked some lovely new shoes for her which she was very pleased with and they came to the handsome sum of £25 (my other half is grieving for his thinner wallet as I type).

To be honest I don't mind paying this as her foot had not grown since April and she was overdue for some new shoes. It's when the shop assistant smiles at you as she hands you your purchase and tells you to come in 4-6 weeks for her feet to measured again. Of course it is important that she wears shoes that fit her correctly and her feet are healthy, but at £25 a time it's not for the faint-hearted.

When we got home we put her new shoes in the utility next to her new wellington boots and guess which she wanted to wear - oh yes the wellies that were a fraction of the cost!

Which shops do you buy your children's shoes from?

Do you find that children's shoes are expensive and the shops rely on the fact that they know we will take them there to make sure they have the correct fit and know we will therefore pay the price? Please share your thoughts with me by adding a comment below.

Splish, splash, splosh

2007-01-30T21:46:00.000Z

Having brought my daughter her very first pair of wellies I quickly thought of a reason why she could wear them and have an opportunity to splash about in the water. Washing the car seemed the perfect activity and one that would help me out too.

Armed with her new pink wellies, coat and hat we grabbed our bucket and sponges and headed towards the car. The minute I put the bucket down she dipped her sponge into the water and copied my every move. She tried so hard and followed me everywhere.

Once we had covered the car in soap suds we filled the bucket with clean water to rinse the car down. My daughter loved this bit and proceeded to stick the sponge under the tap which sprayed both me and her with freezing cold water. She laughed so loudly and said "again, again". We were both soaking, but it really did not matter, I had not laughed so much in ages.

We quickly rinsed the car as it was getting really cold by this stage, especially as my jeans were soaking. As I bent down to pick up the bucket I heard my daughter say "okay mummy, I'm okay". I quickly looked up to see her sitting in a huge puddle of water, splashing it around and laughing. I ran and picked her up, she was soaking through and her trousers were filthy, but she had the biggest smile on her face.

I hugged her tight and although it was only midday it seemed the right time for her to have a nice warm bath and a clean change of clothes.

So she had a whole morning of splish, splash, splosh, I got a clean car, a load more washing to do, but we both had a smile on our faces by the time daddy came home.

Party

2007-01-26T19:55:00.000Z

My daughter is approaching her second birthday in a couple of months' time as are her friends. My husband and I have been chatting this week about how we are going to celebrate her birthday, we want to make it extra special this year as there were no celebrations at all last year as my brother died the day before her first birthday.

Where do you hold the party - i.e. is my house big enough for her friends and their parents? What food do you have? Do you have a party theme? Is she too young for games? The list can go on and on but after a chat over a glass of wine we have planned her party and told her all about it and she seems very excited.

When we came home today from our weekly music class there was some post on the mat for my daughter. We opened the envelope together with anticipation and I saw it was a party invitation for her friend's birthday in March. I told her what it was and she took it repeating over and over again "party". The smile on her face was just priceless.

At present she has two party invitations in March and her own in April so she is going to be a toddler socialite! Mind you she deserves it, she has been a light in all our lives over the past nine months and it is time to build some happy memories for us all. So "PARTY!"

Ladies who lunch

2007-01-25T19:29:00.000Z

Today I met two old work colleagues and friends for lunch. My mum was off work today and kindly offered to look after my daughter so I could meet them.

I must say it was quite strange getting into the car without her as she is always by my side. I felt lost to be honest, I missed our little conversations and found myself glancing into the back seat thinking she would be sitting there.

After a long drive I met my friends and it was so great to see them. We went to a lovely Italian restaurant and the menu was superb. We had a good catch up and I really enjoyed it, but there were times when I would catch myself thinking about my daughter and wondering if she was being a good girl for grandma, what she was having for her lunch and I really did miss her.

After a great time we said our goodbyes and I headed home really excited to see my little girl. When I arrived home I could hear her and my mum laughing together and as I walked into the lounge they were playing and my daughter did not even noticed I had arrived, bless her.

It was so good to see her and my mum said she had been a real angel the whole time and when I asked my daughter if she had a nice time, she said "Ma, nice, arrr"

Reflexology

2007-01-22T20:15:00.000Z

I have just returned home from my first reflexology appointment. I was nervous beforehand as I have not had any holistic treatments before and was unsure what to expect.

When I arrived at the reflexologist's house, she greeted me at the door. She was a lovely lady with a very warm personality. She showed me to the treatment room which was cosy and warm, I felt relaxed immediately.

I sat in a white leather chair which reclined so my legs were slightly elevated. We had a consultation period to establish any health problems I have or have had in the past. Once this was complete she offered the option of relaxation music with her not talking to me or no music and she would explain what she was doing and what part of the body the part of the foot related to.

She used warm oils and slowly massaged the foot adding pressure to certain points. It was very relaxing and as the treatment progressed I felt more and more calm. She highlighted areas within my body that were tense and given the past year I have had I am not surprised.

The session lasted one hour and at the end I felt calm, warm, peaceful and relaxed, if my bed was in the next room I would have happily got into it and gone to sleep.

I will be having another session soon, so I will be interested to see what benefits it shows.

I am going to snuggle now in front of the fire.

Family

2007-01-21T22:58:00.000Z

My mum and dad have just left our house after a lovely evening together. We have laughed a lot, but also shared some tears as we talked about my dear brother. It has been a hard weekend for us all as we received information at the end of last week about my brother's last hours. It was shocking reading and I have felt very unwell since reading it.

We miss him so much and still cannot believe he has gone.

As I was with my parents this evening I watched them with such admiration, they appear so strong. They have lost a child, their youngest child and I cannot even comprehend how awful that must be, especially as I am a parent now I cannot even begin to imagine what they are going through.

Family has always been the number one priority in my life and the past 10 months have strengthened this even more.

If anyone is reading this blog, please treasure your family, enjoy every moment you have together.

As my brother used to say: "Live for the moment".

Grantham Gingers

2007-01-18T20:53:00.000Z

For the first time in 2007 I flicked through my latest cookbook Around Britain Dairy Cookbook, looking for something that my daughter and I could make on a wet and windy day. It was definitely a day to be indoors, especially as the strong winds blew off our shed roof!

I came across a recipe for Grantham Gingers and quickly scanned the ingredients list to see if I had everything. Luckily I had so I quickly weighed everything out whilst my daughter finished drawing her picture. Once I was prepared she came running into the kitchen and pulled her apron out of her Tweenies desk, ready for action.

We had a great time and the biscuits were so easy to make, it is an activity that I would highly recommend to do with toddlers. My daughter was interested in it the whole time and even got excited when the oven alarm went off as she knew they were ready. "Discuits mummy, discuits", she said as she climbed off the sofa and headed for the kitchen.

The end result was just great and so far everyone who has tried them really likes them.

Mine only criticism of the recipe is that the taste of ginger in the biscuits is a little bit too subtle for my taste so I would add more if I made them again.

I hope when my daughter is older and she looks back on her childhood she remembers these days we have shared together and believe me I will never lose the image of her with flour all over her slippers, an apron long enough to be a dress and the biggest warmest smile.

Do you have any memories of cooking when you were a child? What did you like to cook? I would love to hear.

What is your favourite cookbook?

2007-01-17T12:46:00.000Z

As you can see from the right hand side of the page, my favourite cookbooks are the Quick and Easy Dairy Cookbook and Around Britain Dairy Cookbook. I love the recipes and the useful information it provides such as the fat content of the meal per serving and the amount of calories. They also use ingredients that you do have in your cupboard and not ones you have never heard of.

We all have our favourite books where the pages are usually stuck together with flour or butter and I would love to hear what your favourite cookbooks are and why you like them.

Just click on the word comments at the bottom of this article and share your favourites.

Freezes!

2007-01-16T12:14:00.000Z

As I was preparing breakfast this morning, my daughter grabbed her winter hat and decided to put it on. She looked very amusing in her pyjamas and a pink hat. She went into the dining room ready for breakfast and stood next to her high chair as she tends to do, waiting for me to lift her up.

As I put her into the chair I suggested that the hat should come off. "No mummy," she said "it's freezes". I could not help but smile. If you looked at her you would think the central heating had broken down.

So rather than argue, she ate her entire breakfast wearing her pyjamas and hat...very stylish.

Perfect pork

2007-01-14T20:47:00.000Z

I invited my parents for Sunday lunch today and faced the daunting task of cooking the biggest piece of pork loin I had ever seen, which was given to me by my dad. To be honest I had not cooked a joint of this size before, well apart from the 16lb turkey on Christmas Day so I was a bit worried about how long I should cook it for.

To try and prevent the joint from becoming dry, I decided to drizzle olive oil over the meat and then trickled honey over the top of it. Before I put it in the oven I chopped up two eating apples and place them on top of the pork.

I put the meat into the oven on 180 degrees for two-and-a-half hours and it was just perfect. It was very tender and had a subtle flavour of honey which was yummy. I also served the meat with the apples which were very soft and accompanied the meat perfectly.

The pork was served with roast potatoes, roast parsnips, steamed brussel sprouts, carrots and savoy cabbage. There is quite a large piece of pork left so I plan to use this for sandwiches tomorrow with stuffing. Yum yum.

Thank you

2007-01-13T19:10:00.000Z

I have been blogging now for just over a week and can honestly say I am really enjoying jotting down my thoughts and daily experiences. I apologise if I have ranted some days to you all or been a bit down beat when sharing my grief with you after losing my brother. I hope over the days and weeks ahead my blog will develop and allow me to share my thoughts with you but also some domestic goddess tips. Being a domestic goddess is something I aspire to and not something I already think I am. I hope that people take my blog as it's intended - not a massage of my ego - just a bit of fun, which I hope you will enjoy.

I would like to say a big thank you to all of the positive comments I have received about my blog from fellow mums on the Netmums website and friends. It is so nice to hear that people enjoy reading my blog, so please share your comments or thoughts with me.

A happy day

2007-01-12T12:54:00.000Z

Today I have received some very good news about a dear friend, she e-mailed me to tell me that her test results we had all been waiting for were fine and it was not the illness we were all dreading it would be. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am for her. I know she has been through a tremendous emotional journey over the past few weeks and I will certainly be having a glass of wine or two for her this evening.

Besides this wonderful news I have had a lovely day with my daughter. Today was the first day back at her Jo Jingles class. She was so excited and really enjoyed learning some new songs. I love sitting back watching her mix with other children and learning new skills. The funniest moment was when her best friend came up to her at the end of the session and gave her a hug, as he went to walk away with his mummy he turned to my daughter and said "goodbye darling". It was so cute and funny at the same time. What a happy day.

Wet play

2007-01-11T21:18:00.000Z

Like most mothers and fathers up and down the country, my daughter and I were restricted to spending the day indoors because of the dreadful weather. So I had to get my creative hat on and plan a day of activities for us to do, so that we did not overdose on CBeebies and drive each other crazy.

After breakfast I set up the kitchen and taped pieces from an old roll of lining paper to the floor and set out paint, crayons etc. I put my daughter into her painting apron and let her get creative. She loved it, she told me she was painting a cat, a car and Po from the Teletubbies . She then asked me to paint certain things for her which she loved watching. We had great fun and after about an hour the activity had run its course. I noticed that even though she was wearing a long apron she had still managed to cover her entire feet in paint. So once we had tidied everything away I ran a bath for her, gave her lots of toys and she played happily in the bath.

To be honest when I woke this morning and saw how awful the weather was and knew we would not be able to go to the park or for a walk, I was dreading the day. But when her daddy returned home from work and she said to him "painting, mummy, nice" I knew she had obviously enjoyed the day as she then showed him her works of art.

She is now safely tucked up in bed and as I reflect on the day, I can honestly say that I have enjoyed our time at home, painting, reading, playing games and simply enjoying each other's company. It is moments like this that I know I made the right decision to be a full-time mum and I feel proud that I made this decision. Women these days are not praised for being mothers, there is an immediate expectation for them to return to work after six months of maternity leave and continue with their careers.

The thing that saddens me the most is that it is my generation of women that look down their noses at mothers who choose to stay at home, thinking we are not challenged, ambitious or intelligent. I say to them spend a whole day with a toddler and you will have the biggest challenge of your life.

Missing my bro

2007-01-10T17:49:00.000Z

I have been really thinking about my brother today, for those who don't know me he died in April last year aged just 20-years-old. I really miss him. I miss his text messages, his phone calls and his visits to our house at the weekend. I miss watching him play with my daughter he adored her. He was not just my brother he was one of my best friends too.

You never imagine that you would bury someone who is so young - it's just not the natural order of things.

When I see people in the street they ask me "are you feeling better now" like I have had some sort of illness. I know they mean well but I have not been ill, I have lost my brother. I guess we are just trying to find new ways of leading our lives, as life for us all will never be the same again. We are all different people since that day in April.

Grief is so strange as some days I feel great and actually find myself laughing, then other days I feel so upset and miss him deeply. The only way I can describe it is grief is like a rollercoaster ride where you go up and down, it is not a gradual climb up a hill where you start to feel like your old self.

I know I will probably feel this way for a long time and there will always be a part of me that is missing.

I wonder if he knows how much I miss him?

I am sorry that this blog entry is not very cheary and not really one of a domestic goddess, but I felt I needed to note down my feelings about my brother to you today.

Let's Get Physical

2007-01-09T21:54:00.000Z

I have just returned from my first fitness class of the New Year in the annual attempt to shed those extra pounds gained over Christmas. Why do we all do it to ourselves every Christmas? Why do we over eat and then spend the first part of the New Year trying to lose the excess weight?

When my friend and I arrived we were greeted with a new teacher, a younger lady with a fab figure, the kind of figure I would love to have and dream about. To be honest though I like having this new teacher, as it’s a good incentive to work hard in the class, as if I do one day I may look like her (I can dream can't I).

I really enjoyed the session although it was very hard in parts and I could feel the extra weight on my stomach as I did the exercises (not a nice image I know). Hopefully after a couple of weeks of attending my class I should be back to normal.

I feel really tired now and think an early night is in order, so I am fresh ready to face a new day.

Night, night everyone.

Domestic Goddess for the Future

2007-01-08T17:53:00.000Z

I had to share this with you all. Here is a photograph of my daughter's very own Little Henry vacuum cleaner which amazingly picks up dirt.

My daughter really loves this toy which my parents brought for her at Christmas. She potters around the lounge pretending to clean which is lovely to watch. However, the added bonus of her own 'Henry' is she loves pretending to vacuum when I am doing it. When I go to the cupboard under the stairs to get out my cleaner she grabs her 'Little Henry' and follows me around the house. It is a magical sight and keeps her occupied whilst I clean. So thank you to mum and dad for buying such a cool present and in helping to create a domestic goddess for the future.

Sunday Roast

2007-01-07T19:31:00.000Z

Sunday is one of my favourite days of the week. Sunday to me means time with my other half and daughter, relaxing at home and of course a roast dinner.

I have always enjoyed Sunday lunch probably because my mum makes the best one and we have grown up enjoying time around the table eating good food and catching up with each others news. This is a tradition I want my daughter to grow up with, I think this time as a family is so important and special.

Today I have cooked roast beef, with roast potatoes, steamed leeks, brussel sprouts and carrots, Yorkshire puddings and gravy.

If anyone were to ask me what my top tips would be for a roast dinner it would be:

(1) To make the perfect roast potatoes, boil them for around 15 minutes and when draining them rough them up in the colander. Before putting them into hot oil, (I tend to use olive oil but on special occasions I use dripping) sprinkle some flour onto the potatoes this helps to make them lovely and crispy. Make sure the fat is really hot before putting your potatoes into the tin. If you want to add a Mediterranean flavour to your roast potatoes put about four whole garlic cloves into the roasting tin.

(2) Steam your vegetables if possible as it helps to keep the flavour and goodness.

(3) Always have a glass of wine at hand to help the chef when cooking. :0)

Anyway, the meal was well received and there is even some beef left for my other half to have on his sandwiches with horseradish sauce for work.

I am off now for another Sunday must, a brisk walk around the village to walk off that extra roast potato. Happy Sunday.

Looking Good

2007-01-06T19:49:00.000Z

The trip to the shops was a very successful one. I managed to get some lovely new clothes and a pretty necklace and earring set (which my mum treated me to, aren't mums just lovely). I really enjoyed my time in town and it was the first time since my brother died that I actually felt like my old self.

I have just been organising my wardrobe like all domestic goddesses do and put my items into the appropriate colour section...oh yes all of my clothes go into colour order, it makes them so much easier to find. My scarfs and handbags have their own wicker baskets and shoes are paired neatly on the shoe rack. I have also taken out some clothes which I have had for years and never wear and are probably very out of fashion. I will take these to the charity shop on Monday.

It will be great to put on some new clothes and start to dress like a woman again, even if I am not going out that day, I think it's important to still make an effort.

Anyway, all in all a very productive day but do you know what the best thing of all was....spending time with my mum, it was magic.

Image is Everything

2007-01-05T21:51:00.000Z

I have been thinking for some time now that I may act like a domestic goddess but do I actually look like one. When I look at the curvaceous well presented Nigella and the immaculately dressed Anthea it kind of puts me to shame. I must admit since giving birth to my daughter it has taken me a while to lose the baby weight (which I am pleased to say I have now done) and I have not really smartened up my image since leaving work. I do tend to find myself in jeans most of the time especially if I am going to various toddler groups, but is this really the image of a domestic goddess? Surely I should put more effort into the way I look and dress in a more feminine way.

I am not saying that I should dress up in high heels and dresses to do the cleaning but I think it is time to address the way I look and take more pride in my appearance. I bet Nigella does not wear baggy grey tracksuit bottoms around the house.

So I am now on mission to look like a true goddess. Tomorrows task is a trip to the shops to purchase a few new items of clothing with my dear mum in hand for some shopping advice. Then its back to aerobics in the week to tone up and a hairdressers appointment is booked for one weeks time.

Surely I too can look as gorgeous as the domestic goddesses portrayed to us on TV....well nearly as good!

Christmas is Over

2007-01-04T19:15:00.000Z

Christmas finally came to an end for me today as I took down the tree, put the lights neatly into their box and took down the holly from the pictures and fire place. The house looks so bare and sad, it almost feels empty. To be honest I am pleased Christmas is over and I never imagined I would say that as someone who has always loved Christmas and all its festivities.

This Christmas was different to all the rest, it was the first without my brother. For those reading this who don't know me, he died suddenly in April aged just twenty years. For me this year Christmas mearly emphasized that he is not here and god does that harsh reality hurt.

I have been in a very reflective mood today thinking about the year that has gone and the one that lies ahead. Fearing the unknown and wondering whether a date for his inquest will ever be set.

In true domestic goddess style I have thrown my energy, upset and anger into my house work and gave it a good new years clean. Even my daughter helped and we ended up having quite a giggle.

So now I am sitting in not so much an empty and bare room but a room which is clean and ready to face whatever this year throws at me.

Domestic Goddess?

2007-01-03T12:45:00.000Z

For many years now (well since I have been married which is five now) friends and family keep telling me I am a domestic goddess. I always feel very flattered by this comment especially if it comes after I have made a meal for everyone, it makes me feel happy that people enjoy the time at our home.

To be honest I have not given the idea of being a domestic goddess much thought until recently, but more and more people keep giving this title to me. It struck me that maybe I am one when I was watching Nigella and Anthea over Christmas, as they shared their pearls of wisdom about how to run an orderly home - I thought well I do that all of the time and in fact I thought some of my ideas were better. The only difference between us is they get paid a fortune for doing it and I just get the satisfaction knowing that our home is run as best as it can be.

So what is a domestic goddess? When I type the name into Google it lists websites devoted to Nigella and her books, it does not really tell me what a domestic goddess is. So I think I will make up my own definition, so here goes. I think a domestic goddess is someone who can run an orderly home, they are domesticated and enjoy every aspect of maintaining a home.

There I think that sounds ok.

As I now have a definition of what a domestic goddess is and the name has been given to me by friends and family, I think I will share my pearls of wisdom, tips and advice on all things domestic with the world. Watch out Anthea!